turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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