Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
