Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
