worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
