was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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