dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
