id be glad to
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
someone owes me an orgasm
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
