Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
