When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
