Slut skills are useful in every country.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
