do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
