I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
