id be glad to
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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