but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
