the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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