I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
