My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
