Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
