I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
