Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Where is the hickey?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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