she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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