i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
