batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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