Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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