dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
