I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
