Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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