Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
