Please, let me fuck your mom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
