You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
