I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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