PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
