never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
