i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
