shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
