So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
