All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
