that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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