i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
