I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
40s are totally the cure
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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