we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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