i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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