Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
