We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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