I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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