i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
