kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We smell like vodka and hangover
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