Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
