is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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