I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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