sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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