i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.