6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?