need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more