My liver just broke up with me...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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