the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering