I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
