i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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