Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.

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(212): View more from New York

yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(636): View more from Missouri

Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

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(269): View more from Michigan

If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you

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(214): View more from Texas

How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

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(309): View more from Illinois

But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.

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(940): View more from Texas

I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.

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