Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.

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  (415): shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does. http://tfl.nu/rw4v
  Replies (3) Good night (773) Bad night (923)
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  (516): View more from New York

  So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."

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  (516): So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming." http://tfl.nu/t69x
  Replies (17) Good night (2991) Bad night (513)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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  (905): Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have. http://tfl.nu/x1lg
  Replies (8) Good night (715) Bad night (2125)
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  (021): View more from

  Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

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  (021): Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant. http://tfl.nu/uluq
  Replies (49) Good night (557) Bad night (6673)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.

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  (256): I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them. http://tfl.nu/zwx2
  Replies (31) Good night (1352) Bad night (5328)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.

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  (203): I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season. http://tfl.nu/xinh
  Replies (24) Good night (5180) Bad night (1164)
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  (707): View more from California

  Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....

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  (707): Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me..... http://tfl.nu/ajao
  Replies (11) Good night (3340) Bad night (1217)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

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  (519): I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore. http://tfl.nu/9p2a
  Replies (4) Good night (1317) Bad night (815)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.

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  (651): This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too. http://tfl.nu/gsqe
  Replies (4) Good night (975) Bad night (537)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was once again the drunkest girl at the party

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  (610): he was once again the drunkest girl at the party http://tfl.nu/18ag
  Replies (5) Good night (2082) Bad night (600)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

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  (651): Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already http://tfl.nu/xrp9
  Replies (13) Good night (1158) Bad night (474)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

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  (778): He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him. http://tfl.nu/e3t2
  Replies (5) Good night (1877) Bad night (931)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers

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  (780): It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers http://tfl.nu/8ucr
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (415)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable

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  (630): I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable http://tfl.nu/z2xr
  Replies (1) Good night (275) Bad night (536)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?

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  (785): Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion? http://tfl.nu/5gnr
  Replies (0) Good night (410) Bad night (182)

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