My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.