She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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