I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
