**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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