My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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