I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
