I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba