neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
