i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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