you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
