I think my vagina is haunted
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
