i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
