He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
