Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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