Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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