there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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