moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
