smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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