hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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