i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
