My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
