That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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