i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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