I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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