If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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