everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
