There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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