twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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