In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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