Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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