he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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