So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
