Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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