This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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