just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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