Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
