I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
