you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
