Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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