Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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